Torn InBetween Two Worlds
by Mizu-Miha
Summary: Shuichi's had some trouble that has turned his world upside down. Bad habits are not things you should do. Who can save him? Yuki...or Ryuichi? Only love can get Shuichi out of the mess he's found himself in.
1. Fighting

_I made these songs myself, so no making fun please? They won't seem very good but bear with me._

_Disclaimer__: I do _NOT _own Gravitation. Or else there would be a LOT more yaoi in it._

Shuichi had just gotten in a fight with Yuki and was currently at Hiro's house, crying. Hiro hugged his friend softly and rubbed small circles in his back as he allowed his hurt friend cry on his shoulder. "There, there Shu. It's all right. Yuki doesn't know what he's missing out on." Hiro said trying to comfort Shuichi. Shuichi cried even harder as he grabbed Hiro's shirt tightly. It hurt Hiro to see Shuichi like this. He's always had feeling for Shuichi but never had the nerve to ever tell him. Also, Shuichi was in love with Eiri.

Shuichi cried himself to sleep in his friend's arms. Hiro looked down at Shu smiling softly. 'He'll never know how I feel.' Hiro thought sadly. He brought Shu to his room and laid him down. He tucked him in and decided to take a change. He bended down and placed a soft kiss on Shuichi's lips. Shuichi moaned in his sleep and turned on his side. Hiro smiled and went to the living room. He made a makeshift bed on the couch and fell asleep.

Shuichi woke up the next day, feeling a whole lot better. He sat up and looked around curiously. 'This isn't Yuki's house. Where am I?' Shuichi thought. Memories from the night before came flooding back to him and before long, he was on the ground crying. Hiro shot up in his makeshift bed hearing a THUD sound come from his room. He immediately thought the worst and ran to his room. He saw Shu lying on the floor, crying even more hard than he did the previous night.

Hiro ran over to Shu and pulled him into his lap. "Shu, please don't cry. Come on buddy. You know I hate to see you cry." Hiro said hugging Shu. Shu could do nothing but hug Hiro back and cry into his neck. "It's alright, Shu. It's ok. Don't cry, for me? Please, I don't want to see you cry." Hiro whispered in Shu's ear, rubbing his back. Shu's cries turned into sniffles, then hiccups. He went quiet and was still hugging Hiro. "Thank you." Shu said looking up at him, smiling. "No prob, buddy." Hiro said grinning.

Later that day, Bad Luck gathered at N-G, ready to record a new song called "Unbreakable". Shuichi had written it right after he had stopped crying. "Alright guys, let's hurry so we can get lunch." Shuichi said smiling. The music started and Shuichi sang.

_I love you so much,_

_But you don't seem to care._

_My heart breaks when I_

_Think of you_

Shuichi sang with tears in his eyes. He was feeling a little woozy and he felt like he was watching himself hit the ground and everything go black…

(Hope you liked it!!!!! I worked hard on it!)


	2. The Hospital

_This will be in Shuichi's pov all right? I really don't have anything else to say other than that. So hope you enjoy. This will be VERY confusing just to let you know._

I woke up later in a hospital room. What had happened to me? Last I remembered, I was at Hiro's house crying. Then, in a flash, I remember. I had gone to N-G and tried singing my newest lyrics. I don't remember past that. I sit up and look around, seeing Hiro and Suguru sitting on both sides of my bed. Hiro's asleep and his hand is in mine, holding tightly like he's afraid I'll fly away if he lets go. It's sweet to watch. I turn my attention to Suguru. "Why am I here?" I ask him. He looks really worried. I wonder why. "You passed out while we were practicing. What's wrong, Shuichi?" Suguru tells me.

I stared off into space as I tried to sort out my thoughts. It was all blurry. Singing one minute, then here the next. My fight with Yuki, and Hiro comforting me like I was a baby was confusing. It's so confusing I want to scream. I feel like I'm going insane with confusion. Just when I thought that, I heard a loud ear-piercing scream as if it's right in my ear. I close my eyes and cover my ears with my hands to block out the noise. When I finally open my eyes, I'm on my back with Hiro shaking me and asking me if I'm alright.

I still hear the screaming and all of a sudden, I'm back out of my body again. Just watching myself scream with my ears covered by my hands and tears streaming down my face. Oh gods, I look pathetic. I feel so heavy when I finally enter my body again. I somehow calmed down and Suguru is petting my hair while Hiro is rubbing my hand. I hear a knock on the door and weakly say, "Come in." Ryu-chan comes in with Kumagoro on his head. "Are you feeling better, Shu?" Ryu asks me.

I look at him and nod, sitting up. Suguru and Hiro let go of me and as soon as I get up, I'm pushed back on my back again. This time, Ryu's on me hugging me half to death. He's sitting on my hips and for a split second I feel a weird emotion. Ryu looked at me with his head tilted before shrugging and getting off of me. I had the urge to pull him to me and kiss him senseless. Ryu looked at me as I sat up.

I simply smiled and brushed the look off. 'Why am I feeling this way? He's my friend. I shouldn't be thinking this way about my friend.' I thought to myself. Ryu was really nice to me and all, but why do I feel like this for him? It was weird. I had some feelings for Hiro, Yuki, and to make it worse, Ryuichi. "What's the matter, Shuichi? You're making Ryuichi worry." I heard Ryu say. "Nothing's wrong. I just want to be alone." I said noticing Hiro and Suguru have not said anything in a while.

They just nodded and left, leaving Hiro and I alone. "Are you sure you're okay, Shu? I'm really worried about you." Hiro said to me. I gave him my best smile and nodded. "I'm fine. I just need to think for a while, okay?" I replied looking down at the sheets. I heard the door open and close and decided I would just go to sleep. I settled down in the sheets and went to bed.

_Alright I hope you liked this!!!! I know it was confusing in like the middle and I'm sorry that it's so short, but I'll make a longer one next chapter. Next time on "why do you torture me so": PURE FLASHBACKS!!!! YAY!! Thanks to LoneAuthor for mentioning that heh. Totally blew my mind about that. No one knows. Except for me of course!! Yay!_


	3. Dreams

_Disclaimers: Still don't own Gravvie ._

A/N: Thank you lots: LoneAuthor and Yuki-Mizu… For reviewing this story. I'll try to use an idea in this chapter… THANK YOU LOTS!! LOVE YOU GUYS!! YAY! (Hehe) This will be flashbacks as I said last chapter in the form of a dream!! Now to continue the story…

'_Shuichi and Yuki were having "quality time" as Shuichi called it, on the couch. Shuichi leaned back into Yuki's chest and sighed happily. "What are you so happy about, brat?" Yuki asked. Shuichi looked back at him and grinned from ear to ear. "I'm just happy that I get to spend time with you. You're always SO busy with new stories." Shuichi replied, turning to look back out the window he was looking at. Yuki sighed and decided that quality time was over. He pushed Shuichi off his lap and got up to head into his study. _

_Shuichi just sat on the floor and watched Yuki go in the study and slam the door. 'Why's he mad now? I didn't do anything.' Shuichi sighed and laid down on the floor where he currently was. He quickly got bored and went into the study to bother Yuki. He wrapped his arms around the writer's neck and bit his earlobe. "Yuuuuukkkkiiii!!!! Yuki Yuki Yuki Yuki Yuki Yuki Yuu-" "What do you want?!" Yuki yelled, turning around looking positively pissy. Shuichi flinched at the tone of his voice and sighed. "It's nothing. I'll leave you alone now." Shuichi said leaving the study, closing the door. Yuki looked at where his lover had left and sighed, turning around to continue the novel he had been working on._

_Shuichi went into the bedroom to go take a shower to clear his mind. 'Why was Yuki so mad? Maybe it's his editor. She always makes Yuki have these deadlines and he doesn't have much time for me.' Shuichi thought, running the water for the shower. He stripped and got in. He stayed in there for a while, thinking about Yuki and things like that. Shuichi got a good idea for him and Yuki and wanted to talk to him about it. He finally got tired of the shower and turned it off, getting out and getting dressed. Shuichi went back in the study to see Yuki doing the same thing he was doing earlier… Typing. "Ne, Yuki?" Shuichi asked quietly. Yuki turned around and stared at Shuichi. Once he knew he had Yuki's attention, he went on. "I was wondering if we could have a special dinner tonight. Remember, in two days is our anniversary." Shuichi said blushing slightly and looking down at the ground. _

_Shuichi heard a screech from the chair, signaling that Yuki had gotten up. He felt his chin being lifted up and his violet eyes met with golden ones. "Sure brat. But I'm cooking." Yuki said smirking. Shuichi's eyes lit up as he nodded and ran out of the study into the kitchen to get the table ready. Yuki sighed and followed Shuichi into the kitchen, getting some pots and food out. _(Skip about an hour ) _The food was ready and Yuki put the two plated on the table. He sat down along with Shuichi at the table, and began eating. Shuichi dug in, and ate quietly until he was almost finished. "Yuki." Shuichi said a little seriously. Yuki looked at Shuichi, wondering what he wanted. "Yeah?" "Do you love me?" Shuichi asked. Everything was quiet for a few minutes before Yuki mumbled something Shuichi couldn't hear. "Huh?" Shuichi asked, confused. "No." Yuki whispered. Shuichi sat at the table in pure shock, staring at Yuki. 'He couldn't have said no. I thought he loved me. Is it true?' Shuichi thought. "Are you telling me the tru-" "Yes I'm telling the truth! No I don't love you!" Yuki said standing up abruptly. Shuichi felt tears sting his eyes as he stood up and ran into the bedroom._

_Yuki followed him and saw Shuichi packing his things. "And what are you doing?" Yuki asked. Shuichi turned around and glared at Yuki. "Packing my things, what else? You don't love me so why should you care?" Shuichi spat out, continuing to pack. Yuki growled and walked over to Shuichi, grabbing his wrist as it came up to attempt to slap him. "Don't touch me!" Shuichi yelled at Yuki. "You can't leave." Yuki said quietly. "I can leave when I very well want to! I'm just a fuck toy to you! I can't live here if I'm only here to be fucked, not loved!" Shuichi screamed, tears freely running down his face. "Leave me alone you bastard!!" Shuichi yelled. Yuki couldn't take it anymore and the noise silenced as the sound of flesh meeting flesh was heard. Shuichi stood in shock facing away from Yuki, his cheek burning. Yuki had just punched him._

_Shuichi looked back at Yuki, even more tears ran down his face as he made Yuki let go of him. He didn't care about anything as he ran out to the living room and out the door. Shuichi cried as he headed to Hiro's house. He had forgotten his clothes and everything at Yuki's house and wasn't planning on coming back…'_

A/N: Sooo…ppl did you like it? I hope you did. Notice that it's longer… You guys need to review, dang! Once again, thank you LoneAuthor and Yuki-Mizu for reviewing. You guys SOOO rock!! Bye bye for now!!


	4. Of All Things To Go Wrong Why This?

Chapter 4: Of All Things To Go Wrong… Why This?

**A/N: I AM BACK!!!! This story without the A/Ns and the Title took 2,332 words and 6 pages on 12 Arial font. WOW!! I worked hard on this hope you like it. Oh yeah and by the way... I need at LEAST 1 review before I put up anymore chapters. Same goes with 'Untitled'. I'm currently working on that one and alternating back and forth from stories. I changed just a FEW words here and there and took out just some few typos that I realized I did.**

**Disclaimer: Same as all the other ones before this.

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Shuichi awoke with a start, falling off the bed in the process. He never felt the floor collide with his head; he shook horribly and felt numb all over. He felt the irony blood fill his mouth and he ran as fast as he could to the bathroom before letting it out. He leaned on the toilet and threw up food and blood into the toilet. Shuichi's vision was blurring as he felt his strength leave him.

His body fell limply onto the floor as he coughed up more blood. He was in fear for himself; he couldn't stop coughing up the crimson liquid even if he tried. Shuichi moved his hand to cover his mouth as his eyes searched for anything that would clean up the stains on the floor. A knock was heard by the bathroom door and the young pop singer weakly lifted his head to see who it was.

"Seguchi-san, why are you here?" Shuichi asked weakly, blood dripping from his mouth and onto the porcelain floor.

Tohma's POV:

I decided to go visit my singer today to see how he was feeling. Everyone thought that I was cruel and wouldn't bother to check up on him, but that's not the case. I'm worried about Shuichi and Eiri both. Eiri's been living with me ever since he and Shuichi broke up. He's been tossing things in random fits of anger and Mika convinced me to go talk to Shuichi and see what's going on. I opened the door to Shuichi's hospital room and immediately heard coughing coming from the bathroom.

'_Is he sick?'_ was my initial thought.

I didn't know how right I was until I saw the bathroom Shuichi was in. Blood was everywhere. Shuichi was in the middle of the bathroom, toilet in front of him, with blood surrounding him. He had his back turned to me, but I could see his small frame shaking with every heave and cough that racked through his body. His head turned and his widened eyes met mine.

A river of red flowed down the arm that covered his mouth. My breath caught in my throat and my mouth opened and closed in a few futile attempts to talk.

'_What's wrong with him?' _My panicked mind thought.

I composed myself and forced my mouth to speak after a few minutes.

"Shindou-san, are you alright?" I tried to keep my voice from quivering.

He nodded and went to pull himself up. He slipped and I raced forward to catch him before his head could hit the ground. Shuichi was so light, why was he though? I dragged him to his hospital bed, shutting the bathroom door and getting blood all over my favorite jacket in the process. I sat him down and my phone rang. Now I, being the nice person that I am, answered it.

"Moshi Moshi?" I asked.

"Tohma, I'm coming over to talk to Shuichi, so don't try to stop me." Eiri said and hung up on me, not waiting for a response.

I sighed at my brother-in-law's antics and busied myself with getting the blood off of Shuichi's face, arms, and getting it off of the bathroom floor. Luckily, I only got the pesky redness on my jacket, so I took it off and set it in the chair by the door.

Shuichi's POV:

'_Why is Tohma here? Better yet, why is he taking care of me?'_ I wondered to myself as I watched Tohma clean up the bathroom.

I don't remember why I threw up or why I was so scared earlier. All I remember is that it wasn't a very good dream. The more I try to remember my dream, the more it slips away out of my fingers like soap. I wondered what that call Tohma received was about. No one would dare hang up on Tohma but Yuki. I shuddered as I thought about him. I still love him and all, but if he comes here, I don't know what I'd do. Tohma took off his jacket and I thought of why he was being so nice to me.

'_Maybe he just feels sorry for me.'_ one pitiful side of me thought.

I just about started laughing when I thought that. Seguchi Tohma, mastermind of the world and manipulator of all things good and evil, feeling sorry for me? It was too funny to think about it. Tohma's voice interrupted me.

"Why did you and Eiri break up?" Tohma said.

I looked down at a now interesting spot on the floor and regained my breathing.

"Didn't you ask Yuki why we broke up?... He punched me… He said he didn't love me…" I whispered. It hurt so much to even think about it.

Tohma's POV:

Shuichi sat on the floor, broken. His eyes were glazed over as if reliving some sort of nightmare. His arms wrapped around himself in a form of protecting himself. I frowned in sympathy at Shuichi and was feeling worried for him. We both loved the same person, but I guess it was unrequited love for the both of us. I reached over to put my hand on his shoulder to comfort him, but as I did, the door burst open like a bomb went off in front of it. I jumped almost out of my skin, quickly pulling my hand back.

Shuichi heard the door burst open and barely acknowledged it.

Normal POV:

'_I don't care if Seguchi-san is here with me. I just want to disappear and die.'_

Eiri stomped in, looking furious. He had seen Tohma read out and was mad. Shuichi was still staring at the ground when Eiri pushed Tohma out of the way and kneeled down in front of Shuichi. When Shuichi looked up and saw Yuki's eyes bore into his, he freaked and crawled backwards until he hit the solid brick wall.

'_No. Why is Yuki here? Why?' _Shuichi thought, shaking.

Eiri and Tohma stood in shock at what Shuichi was doing. Eiri tried to move toward Shuichi, but Shuichi put his hands in front of him like he was fending off a car.

"Don't touch me! Go away!" Shuichi screamed, wrapping his arms around his legs and burying his face in his knees.

Eiri smirked and chuckled softly. He knew this would happen. What he couldn't believe was that Shuichi would actually act like Eiri was going to kill him. A hand was placed on his shoulder and Eiri looked back to see Tohma.

"Eiri, what'd you come here for?" Tohma inquired.

"Have you gone old to the head? I told you on the phone that I came to talk to Shu-"

"Then it was my mistake to let you come here." Tohma sighed and let go of Eiri's shoulder.

"Tohma, this isn't any of your business."

"Yes it is. You're my family and he's my singer. I can't have you interfering with money."

Tohma couldn't believe he was talking to Eiri like this. He's never talked to Eiri this way.

"Oh, so now you're defending Shuichi? Since when did you like him? Do you want him? Do you want to screw him, Tohma? Do you want to know what it feels like to have him writhing underneath you, moaning?" Eiri had a look on his face that said 'you-can-have-him-if-you-want'.

He smirked as he looked at Tohma's shocked face.

Shuichi's POV:

I was listening to all of it. All of the comments and questions. Tears threatened to come out as I looked at Tohma. Oh, how I felt bad for him. It was ironic how we all got into this situation. I left because I didn't want to see or be near him… Now, look where I am. I'm pathetic. I heard the dry humorous questions turn into fierce hateful comments. I put my hands over my ears and shook my head.

"Stop it… STOP IT!" I yelled. The room went quiet and I stared at my special spot on the floor again.

Yuki's POV:

Tohma wants Shuichi. It was so funny, I forgot to laugh. Shuichi is mine and mine alone. I told Shuichi I didn't love him which was a lie, but I can't go soft now. I heard Shuichi yell for our bickering to stop. I looked at him with an annoyed expression.

"I don't want you two to yell. I can't go through all of it. Please stop." Shuichi said, playing with the string hanging off his jeans.

'_What the hell is the baka talking about, going though all of it.'_ I thought, feeling a migraine coming on.

Tohma tried walking towards MY Shuichi and I pulled him back roughly. What the fuck was he thinking, getting near what's mine? Shu is mine, get it? MINE. Wait? Did I just give him a nickname? Oh well, fuck it. I went over to Shuichi and pulled his chin up again. He didn't look at me. Fine, he wants to be stubborn, let him be… later. I force him to look at me by moving into his line of vision. I calmed down and started deep into his now sadly dull violet eyes.

"Shuichi, look at me…" I pleaded. Whoa now I'm actually pleading with him. Shuichi looked at me surprised and I smiled slightly.

"Shu… I... I'm sorry…I'm sorry for not saying I don't love you... I do…" I finally blurted out. Shuichi started coughing and my eyes widened when I saw flecks of red come out of his mouth and stain my shirt.

"Shu, baby? What's wrong?" I asked panicked and worried as I felt him clutch my arms like it was his only lifeline. Tohma pushed me out of the way and I fell on my back. I stared as Tohma ran over to the button over by Shu's hospital bed and rapidly press on it.

'_What's going on? What's happening to Shu?' _I thought as I slowly crawled my way back to Shu and picked him back up in my arms. He was kicking, crying, and begging for me to let him go, but I wasn't going to. The coughs wouldn't stop and I was getting scared for him.

It was funny how quickly I changed when I thought he had actually left me. I felt so guilty about slapping him that I beat myself up for it. Now wasn't the time for laughs and regrets. The doctors rushed in and took Shuichi from me. They took out a syringe and I watched in horror as they plunged it into Shuichi's arm and press the liquid into his veins. Shuichi went limp in the doctor's arms and they replaced him back in his bed.

Tohma was in the corner by the bed, looking relieved. I stood up on shaky legs and walked over to the doctors, who had by then, went over to Tohma and started talking to him.

"What's wrong with Shuichi?" I asked confused. They looked at me and after a few minutes, Tohma sighed.

"I didn't think anything was wrong with Shindou-san until I went to visit him earlier. I just thought it was a small case of malnutrition or something related to that, but no. He was coughing blood into the toilet and there was so much blood on the floor…" Tohma trailed off, staring at the ground. I guess he was still in shock or something. I shook his shoulders and he seemed to come back to reality and he cleared his throat.

"He has a bleeding ulcer and needs to take medication for it." Tohma spoke bluntly. I looked back at Shuichi's sleeping form and I frowned sadly. I didn't want him to be like me. It was a bad idea for me to have come here.

"I have to go." I said and started to walk out the door, the doctors leaving behind me.

"Eiri…" Shuichi's soft voice filled the air, immediately stopping me in my tracks. I looked back and saw Shuichi still sleeping.

'_He must be dreaming about me… Why'd he say my real name?' _I wondered.

"Don't leave me… Don't go." He reached out in his sleep towards me. I couldn't look at him any longer and I left, not noticing the tears streaming down his sleeping face.

Tohma's POV:

I felt disappointment towards Eiri. How could he leave Shuichi behind like that? The doctors had already left and I was the only one still there, other than the snoozing Shuichi. I looked over at my jacket and sighed. I would have to take it to the cleaners. I walked over to it and picked it up. I took one last look at Shuichi before leaving and shutting the door behind me.

(Hours later….Shuichi Is Awake)

'_Yuki left me… He said he loved me. Was he lying?' _I lay there, staring up at the white hospital ceiling. Everything was white… too white. It was slowly driving me insane. I sat up and felt the urge to scream. Scream out my problems. Why did he have to leave? I begged him not to leave, but he did it anyways.

I got up out of my bed and walked on the cold tile floors into the bathroom. I noticed a bag in the corner by the shower and walked over to it. I looked at the contents inside and noticed a razor.

'_I guess someone must have brought this here thinking it was mine.'_ When in actual reality, it was Yuki's. He was going to be mad once he found out his razor was gone… but then again, he probably has a million more.

I had heard once on the news about a girl that had been taken to a mental hospital because of a thing called 'self-injury'. I was wondering how someone could hurt themselves and like it. It was scary to even think about it.

Now, as I sit on the cold floor dragging the razor across my wrist, I don't think it's scary. I finally know why she did it. It hurts but I feel release as I watch the blood well up and run down my arm…

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**A/N: NOOOOO!!! Don't do it Shu-chan!! BAKA!! sighs Did you like it? I made it longer than any of my other chapters so here you go. Flames will be accepted but I wont answer back grins slowly. Wonder what will happen next time? I'm already working on it.**


	5. Anger, Decisions, Love

Chapter 5: Anger, Decisions, Love

A/N: Hey ya'll!! I'm back with this!! I hope you guys like it. Oh yeah there's a sort of slight makeout scene near the end, and I give all credit to my friend Jessica for making the scene. I tweaked it a little to fit with my story but its still hers -.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Gravitation.

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You know how they say the first cut hurts? It doesn't. All you feel is numbness flowing through your body like a current of sorrow.

'_Why did you leave me Yuki? I wish you would've stayed. Come back to me, don't leave me alone… Why did you leave me?! I love you, you jerk! You said you loved me too, but I guess that was a lie! I was a fool to believe you!' _As I grew angry I slashed my arm and flinched.

Why was I doing this? I threw the now bloodied razor as far away from me as I could and held my wounded arm to my chest, getting the wine red liquid on my hospital gown (which I was thankful that there were 2 to cover up both sides of me). I stood up shakily and went out of the bathroom to my bed. I reached up with my bloody arm and pressed the button.

About a minute later, a nurse came in and screamed when she saw my pitiful form. I guess I must have scared her with as much blood that was on me. She ran out of the room and after a while ran back with bandages and peroxide.

"Why did you do this, Shindou-san?" The freaked out nurse lady asked me.

I shrugged and looked away from her. I knew someday Tohma and the others would find out. It would be bad for the media to get hold of this incident. Part of me wished they would find out, part of me wanted to keep it a secret. It would be kind of funny. I could see the headlines now: Bad Luck's Shindou Shuichi Finally Gone Crazy. I winced as the nurse lady poured a heavy amount of peroxide onto my wounds.

"If this hurts, then don't hurt yourself anymore. I don't think I can keep this a secret for much longer if you keep this up." The nurse lady said.

I hated her for threatening to tell others. I pushed her away from me, making her drop the open bottle of peroxide and it spilling all over her nurse dress.

'_What a shame. I liked that dress too' _I thought.

I looked at her nametag and I found out her name was Lisa. Lisa stood up on shaky legs and tried to get the stains off her dress. I laughed inside my head and glared at her.

"Get out. Don't tell anyone of this, or I'll make sure you never will." I warned her in the coldest voice I could muster.

She stared at me fearfully for a few seconds and then ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her. I smirked at the door, and then walked to the open window over viewing a park and a small lake in the center. I smiled as I watched all the people living their lives and worrying about what they have to do.

The little kids had it all so easy, depending on their parents for everything. I sighed when I couldn't take the sight of everyone happy and I went back to my bathroom. This whole room was driving me insane!

I stared at my reflection in the mirror and loathed how I looked. My eyes looked sunken, like a zombie or something. My skin was white as a sheet from lack of sunlight, and I was so skinny I could see each and every one of my ribs. I couldn't believe what has happened to me.

I punched the mirror as hard as I could and watched in fascination as it all shattered, sending fragments of glass spraying across the room. I was cut by several shards, but they didn't bother me. I welcomed the pain. My hand was bleeding profusely and I touched my cut cheek, trying to wipe the blood away.

I looked at myself through the barely hanging on remains of the mirror that once hung above the sink and saw the left side of my face covered in the wine red color. I held my hand over my face and sighed. Most of the large fragments were littering the sink, so attempting to turn on the faucet was futile. I grabbed a towel and tried to wipe the blood off the floor with it, and it worked for a little bit.

A knock was heard on my door and I went back into my room, dropping the towel on the floor and opened the door. Ryuichi stood there with a huge smile on his face. When he finally got a good look at me, the smile wiped right off and was replaced by fear.

"What happened, Shuichi?!" Ryuichi almost screamed out.

I covered an ear and shrugged, walking to my bed and leaving the room door open so Ryuichi could walk in if he pleased.

Ryuichi's POV:

I walked into Shuichi's hospital room, wondering what happened to him. He seemed off somehow. His room was so dark it gave me goose bumps all up and down my spine. I grabbed Shuichi before I did anything else and got the blood off of his pretty face with a towel I had found on the floor. I let him go and I sat down on the chair next to the door and watched as Shuichi sat on his bed and stared at me.

"Are you alright, Shuichi?" I asked a little scared of the respond. I wanted to help him, I really did. I just didn't know what to do. I was so worried about him.

"I'm fine." Shuichi told me, grabbing his blanket and wiping the crusted blood from his face. I got up from the chair and walked over to him, not wanting to play games. I grabbed his shoulders and made him look at me. He winced but I didn't loosen my grip. He needed to listen to me.

"You're not fine, Shuichi. Why did you do this? Please tell me…" I begged him. I pushed his hair out of his face and stared into his empty eyes. Shuichi moved me back and wrapped his arms around himself.

"I felt like doing this. Yuki left me…" Shuichi

I frowned even more and stared at Shuichi, trying to see at least some form of life in that small body. I heard a crash coming from the door to my right, which I guessed was the bathroom. I didn't miss the shocked look on Shuichi's face and wondered what was in there. As I got up to go check it out, Shuichi grabbed hold of my wrist, preventing me from going. I flinched and gasped. His hands were as cold as ice. Why was he so cold?

"Don't go in there…please." Shuichi begged me. Now I was really curious. What could he be hiding in there? I took hold of the hand that was holding onto my wrist and gently pulled it off. Shuichi looked at me with terrified eyes and I just wanted to hold him and never let him go. Why did he have to love Yuki Eiri? I wanted Shuichi for myself.

"Shu-chan, I'm really worried about you. You won't tell me what's the matter when I know something's wrong with you now." I used my free hand to cup his cheek and run my thumb over his baby soft cheek. I smiled slightly at him to reassure him.

"You can tell me anything. I'm right here and I'm not leaving anytime soon." I wrapped Shuichi in a hug and wanted to stay there forever, just holding him.

"I'll never let you go. You're mine, Shuichi, don't you know that?" Gods, why did I have to love him so? I love him and I always will. It hurts me to see that he's going through so much trouble. I don't' want him to end up like me. He was too pure to do this. His silky hair was rubbing up against my cheek and I sighed softly. My next felt moist and I knew Shuichi was crying. My _angel_ was crying. I pulled away so I could look into his face and I kissed his forehead.

"Please don't cry. It makes me sad when you cry." I asked him and pouted for good effect. He laughed a little and wiped away his tears with the back of his hand. I loved his laughter. It brought joy to my heart hearing him laugh. My poor baby, why did that bastard have to do this to you? Why did he have to break you? I let go of him to go check the bathroom and he didn't stop me, which I was thankful for. I looked inside and gasped.

"Oh…my…" I breathed out. It looked like someone took a water hose and sprayed glass and blood everywhere. The sink was littered with broken glass and the shards on the mirror frame were barely hanging on by a thread of glue. I stared at the blood in the sink and dripping onto the floor.

_Shuichi's_ blood.

I almost cried looking at the huge mess. I walked back into the room and looked at Shuichi, who was looking at me so sadly. There was so much pain he was going through and I wanted to help him. I opened my mouth to say something to him, but he held his hand up to stop me.

"Don't say anything. Please… just hold me." I couldn't not do what he asked me. I walked over to his bed and sat behind him, wrapping my arms around his tiny waist and bringing his back to my chest. I leaned back against the headboard and smiled when I heard Shuichi giggle slightly. I know it was Yuki Eiri that had caused the mess in the bathroom. I would give anything to make Shuichi happy. Yuki Eiri didn't _deserve _Shuichi. Shuichi needed someone who would love him and never let him go. I ran my fingers through Shuichi's hair and fell in love with him even more.

'_He only sees you as a friend.´_ My mind hissed at me.

'_He will __never__ love you.'_ I sighed and frowned, closing my eyes.

'_I know…but at least I can take care of him and love him from a distance. That's all I ask for.'_ That shut my mind up.

"Sakuma-san?" I heard Shuichi call out.

"Shu-chan, how many times have I told you to call me Ryuichi?" I playfully scolded him.

"Sorry Ryuichi."

"No problem. Now what were you going to say?"

"Oh… yeah… I wanted to say thank you." Shuichi told me. He tried moving and I let him. My eyes were closed anyways and I listened to him move around in my arms. All of a sudden, I felt soft lips on mine and my eyes shot open. Shuichi was kissing me! I didn't know what to do so I waited until he pulled back. When he did, I was still frozen in place. He blushed and murmured a short,

"Sorry." I snapped out of my shock and smiled at him.

"You don't have to say sorry, Shu-chan. It's alright." I kept smiling but on the inside I was hurt. He didn't know how much that hurt. I wanted him to myself but that kiss was only to thank me. My heart hurt and my head started to hurt from it.

Shuichi's POV:

I didn't know why I kissed Ryuichi. I know I felt an urging to and then the next thing I knew, I kissed him. When he visited me in the hospital before I wanted to kiss him also. What's wrong with me? I like Ryuichi but I like Yuki also. This is so confusing, I want to scream. I leaned my head on Ryuichi's chest and sighed softly, thinking about my feelings for Ryuichi and Yuki.

"Shuichi?" I heard Ryuichi call my name.

"Hm?" I answered back.

"Do you feel better?" He asked me. I looked up at him and smiled slightly, nodding and kissing his cheek. I kissed my way up to his lips and kept my hold on his mouth.

Ryuichi's POV:

My breath escaped me when Shuichi kissed my lips again. I held back a shudder of pleasure that waited to come forth. I wrapped my arms around Shuichi's neck and began to kiss him more passionately.

'_Oh my love,' _I thought, _'I love you so much.' _I parted his lips with my tongue and began to explore the inner part of his mouth. I was addicted to his taste and scent of strawberry.

A moan escaped his lips and I opened my eyes for a second to see if he was okay. Shuichi had tears in his beautiful orbs. I pulled back.

"What's the matter, Shu-chan?" I asked.

"I'm confused." He replied.

"Do you want me to stop?" I inquired back, worried. I looked into his eyes and tried to mutter words of comfort, but was interrupted by his mouth, once again, on mine. His arms flung around my neck, pulling me from the headboard and onto him, turning me around and mounting me, all in one swoop.

"Mmm!" I said surprised.

'_Wow,'_ I thought. I allowed his hands to explore my body as my hands traveled down the length of his spine. One of his hands was tangled in my hair and the other, on my stomach. I heard Shuichi moan as I nibbled at his neck and made my way up to his earlobe. My hand made its way to his hair and he shivered. I flipped over on top of him on the hospital bed. My hands went up his shirt and I felt his smooth stomach, waiting to see if I had gone too far, but all Shuichi did was moan. I took that as a sign that I hadn't gone too far so I lifted his shirt above his head, making Shuichi sit up in the process, and pulled it off. Afterwards, I pushed Shuichi back down gently and kissed him. My hand tweaked his already hard nipple.

"Ahh," He moaned "Oh Ryu… don't stop." I heard him whimper. Pressed on, I kissed down his belly, down to the top of his hands and teased him with my tongue. I didn't want to press him too much, knowing he was injured so I leaned up and kissed him on the lips as I moved off the bed. Shuichi lay there, panting and I wanted to keep going but knew I couldn't.

"I love you Shuichi." I told him. I had said it. I really did love him. I never wanted to see him hurt like now. Not at all. I looked at his wide eyes and sort of regretted telling him my feelings.

"Really?" I heard him ask me. I nodded and waited for him to turn me down, but he held onto my shirt and I wrapped my arms around him, smiling.

"I love you too Ryuichi. I don't know why, I just do." He told me. I knew how that felt. I don't know why I love Shuichi, but it feels right that I love him. I got back on the bed and let him settle with his head on my chest. I wrapped my arms back around him and laid there until we both fell asleep.

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A/N: Review please? Oh yeah, HAPPY B-DAY SHUICHI!!


	6. Thoughts

A/N: OMG YA'LL I'M SO SORRY THAT I TOO SO LONG!! I was in a HUMUNGO rut about what to do with Shuichi and lost all inspiration of my story. So, I was reading some fanfics one day and racked my brain until I gained at LEAST some inspiration lol. But I have even more good news, I HAVE A BETA!! THANK YOU coffee-house-girl!! I could have never done this chapter without you!!

Thanks to: **Serenity Usagi Tenou, Rizay, fahaar, KyoHana, monik, **_and_** Blueberry **for reviewing my last real chapter. Sorry if things didn't go your way, but I'm making that up in my other story that I'm working on the next chapter for RIGHT NOW (so YES Shuichi and Yuki will be together in my other story -;) I just couldn't do the same pairing for both my fanfics. (and I totally realized just NOW that sometimes I get my stories mixed up (I BLAME ADHD FOR THIS!!) so the question was for my other story lol!! hits self upside the head And MORE good news, my rabbit named Yuki gave birth to 4 babies last month yay!! How ironic is that o.o I thought it was a boy until she had babies) No more news, ENJOY THE STORY!!

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Later on in the day, Shuichi awoke to movement.

'_What's going on?'_ he thought groggily. He looked at Ryuichi, who was moving in his sleep. Ryuichi mumbled something incoherent and fell back asleep. Shuichi smiled as he watched his love sleep. He remembered earlier in the day and blushed. He loved Ryuichi and wanted to be with him, but there was still Yuki to take account of. Shuichi furrowed his brows in concentration. He knew Yuki loved him, but to what extent? Yuki couldn't be counted on to remain faithful. Yuki had cheated on Shuichi so many times Shuichi lost track of how many. He didn't want to think about anything. He just wanted to curl back up in Ryuichi's arms and sleep, but he knew he couldn't.

He had to make his decision on which he wanted to be with. Yuki and Ryuichi were both nice in their own way. Yuki was cruel and cold on the outside, but Shuichi knew that Yuki was a softie on the inside. Ryuichi was a softie both in and out and would love him no matter what. Yuki smiled every once in a while. Sure, the sex was great, but that didn't make up for the yelling and randomly getting kicked out of the house. Ryuichi would never yell at him, never call him names. Shuichi turned around in Ryuichi's arms to face the wall and sighed. What to do? Shuichi loved them both dearly.

Shuichi looked over his shoulder and smiled at Ryuichi's still sleeping face. He looked so peaceful and content. Finally after staring at Ryuichi for a while, Shuichi made a decision, he would stay with Ryuichi. He wanted to be loved and for his lover to show that love to him.

"Shu-chan?" Shuichi heard Ryuichi mumble. He turned back around in Ryuichi's arms to face him and smile at him.

"Yes?" Shuichi answered.

"Are you okay?" Ryuichi asked.

"Of course I'm okay. I feel even better than before. I'm just thinking about things." Shuichi replied. Ryuichi suddenly went serious and his deep cobalt eyes stared into Shuichi's violet ones.

"About what?" Ryuichi was sort of worried, but he was curious also.

"About whether I should be with you or not. But I made a decision that I would stay with you…that is…if you would have me." Shuichi blushed and broke eye contact with Ryuichi, fearing Ryuichi would turn him down. He gasped in shock when Ryuichi hugged him and kissed his cheek.

"Of course I would! You don't have to worry about that." Ryuichi smiled and brought Shuichi into a deep passionate kiss. Shuichi kissed back but pulled away when he felt like a cough was coming on. Shuichi turned his body and coughed into his hand looking at the small flecks of blood in his palm.

'_I guess I have to tell him.'_ Shuichi thought, sighing deeply.

"Ryuichi, I have something to tell you." Shuichi began, sitting up out of Ryuichi's embrace. Ryuichi stared at Shuichi's palm, worried all over again. What was happening to his love?

"From what I've heard, I have a bleeding ulcer from stress and other things. I have to take antibiotics for this, so please don't worry about me, all right? I just wanted you to know that." Shuichi smiled slightly and looked around the room for a box of Kleenex or something close to that. He soon spotted it on a table in the far right corner of the room and stood up to get a tissue. Ryuichi say on the hospital bed taking in the words Shuichi had said.

'_What can I do to help him??' _Ryuichi thought to himself. Shuichi was going through this mess, and here he was, unable to do anything about it. God, he felt so helpless! Ryuichi's hands tightened on the covers until his knuckles turned white. Shuichi turned around after wiping his mouth and hands off to see Ryuichi looking miserable. Somehow he knew what Ryuichi was thinking and smiled.

"There is nothing you CAN do. I have to do this on my own." Shuichi told Ryuichi. He didn't want to be babied anymore. People helped him and done things for him in the past, and now he's tired of it. He could understand where Ryuichi was coming from. Shuichi walked back over to Ryuichi and smiled at him softly, running his fingers through Ryuichi's hair. Ryuichi stared into Shuichi's eyes and pouted a little. Shuichi giggled and sighed, sitting back down on the bed and holding onto Ryuichi's hand. A knock was heard on the door and a nurse poked her head in.

"Sorry to disturb you two, but visiting hours are over." She said, blushing. Both Ryuichi and Shuichi pouted at the same time and the nurse left. Shuichi turned to look at Ryuichi and smiled.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Shuichi asked, already knowing the answer. Ryuichi smiled and nodded.

"You bet." He replied, standing up and giving Shuichi a chaste kiss before walking out the door. Once Ryuichi was gone, Shuichi's smile faded. He was alone in his room… again.

'_When am I going to tell Yuki?'_ Shuichi wondered. He worried about what Yuki would say, what he would think. He didn't want to do this. He was too scared.

'_I guess you still want to be babied after all.'_ A voice in his head chided at him.

"I do not." Shuichi retorted, offended by the comment.

'_You're too weak to talk to your ex-lover by yourself. That's why you want someone to talk to him FOR you.'_ The voice grew angry. Shuichi shook his head in an attempt to get the voice away. It didn't work.

'_You lie about everything. You even lied to your poor honey, Ryuichi.' _Shuichi could hear the laughter in its voice. He curled up in a ball and held his head in his hands. At its comment, Shuichi glared and he heard the voice laughing inside his head.

"I would NEVER lie to him!" Shuichi yelled out.

'_Liar…'_ The voice faded away, leaving Shuichi to his own thoughts. He sat there, shaking his head and a tear fell down his face.

"I'm not lying… I would never tell a lie to Ryuichi… He trusts me…" Shuichi kept muttering to himself as if to convince himself he was telling the truth…

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A/N: I'm sorry it's so short!! I worked UBER hard on this!! Even though I had the HUGE writers block in the middle lol - Ja ne!


	7. Author's Note 8D

Okay this goes for both my Untitled story and my Torn Inbetween Two Worlds story… I'm finally back after a what? Two year hiatus? Wow that seemed like a long time. Well anyways, I'm going to be rewriting the Untitled story, adding more things to it (description and stuff) and for TWBTW, I'm going to be adding more chapters yay! Hopefully I'll try to update every two weeks, considering I'm insanely busy. Well anyways, I just wanted to share the news.

Mei


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